


Screen glint

by lake_otter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, First Time, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 05:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3839281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lake_otter/pseuds/lake_otter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They get to the point where Phil has to physically stop himself from touching Dan yet another time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Screen glint

The first thing Dan does whenever he stumbles upon anyone, or just walks into a room with people in it, is pull up his pants, and then fix his hair. 

Technically that probably means that he's constantly worried about his fringe and his butt.

But this, Phil learns later.

For now, all he knows is that Dan loves using heart emojis and smiley faces. And that he writes to him. Like, a lot. Like, every single time Phil says something on the internet, anywhere, really. Which Phil might have not even noticed, if Dan wasn't so, well. 

Phil is only human. And that one danisnotonfire has ridiculous eyes and ridiculous lips. And that overall boyish thing going on, which just gets to people somehow.

Also, he takes a lot of selfies. Most of them from an upwards angle. Which should probably make Phil laugh. And the stalkerish behavior should probably make Phil worry. Only for some reason instead of laughing or worrying he replies to said danisnotonfire on twitter one night, and he doesn't know it yet, but things spiral out of control right then.

**

Dan is extremely weird. He tells Phil stuff about everything and anything, except for himself. 

"My dog got stuck in a fence today", he would say, "spent like twenty minutes trying to pull her out. The neighbors laughed their asses off".

"What's with all the royal family stuff online", he would say, "it's like there's nothing more important than prince William clubbing techniques nowadays".

More accurately, he does say things about himself, but it's never anything too personal. He would tell Phil about funny things his friends pulled at school (Phil immediately feels like he's way too old), or how his hairdresser doesn't get what he wants with his haircut and wouldn't accept Anthony Padilla's picture as reference material, or how his younger brother likes to torment him with loud Limp Bizkit music.

And Phil would gladly just stare at him talking about whatever he likes. He could probably do it on mute, as well. Thing is, he doesn't want to anymore. Not just that, anyway.

"Dan", Phil finally says, one night.

"What?"

"What do you like?"

Dan shifts in his seat, eyes Phil warily, his fringe half-blocking his view, as usual. The lighting around him is dimmed, as usual. At least he doesn't fidget as much as he used to, and - he couldn't decide whether to look at Phil or at himself in the viewfinder through most of their first Skype sessions, and it had definitely nothing to do with pride and everything to do with self-consciousness. Now he looks at Phil. Mainly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't have to be funny for me or anything. This is like the fifth time we talk".

Dan laughs awkwardly,

"I know, right", he says in an offhandish sort of way and in that weird grown-up voice he sometimes uses, "Who would have thought, a loser like me".

He's joking, obviously, only he probably isn't.

"Dan", says Phil patiently, "what exactly do you want from this?"

"Umm", mumbles Dan, and Phil is suddenly studying the blush appearing on Dan's cheekbones.

"No, no", he says quickly, "I mean, you're great, Dan. I really like talking to you. But I also really want us to get to know each other. And you never tell me anything".

"I tell you loads of stuff!"

"But I want to know... well, about things. What you really like or, I guess, dislike. What you think about. Something that makes it all... real".

Dan pauses, and Phil can't help but think he's said something wrong.

"I don't think I can..."

Phil's heart skips a beat. He suddenly wants to take it all back, soothe Dan, tell him he can act however he likes, and who he is to judge, and please, please don't get sad.

"I really want to meet you", says Dan, and he's not looking in the camera now, not at himself either. 

I like cinnamon lattes, he would tell Phil later, when they're in the skyscraper, looking down at the miniature cars making their way through traffic. And funny hats. And articles about phobias. And I really really like it when someone touches me. 

But not just anyone, obviously, he would add, and this time he wouldn't avert his eyes.

I hate awkward silences. And I start hating the ones who create them, as well, although I am myself one of those people. I hate when someone expects me to entertain them and I have no idea how. I always fill the gaps in with funny nonsense, but it's not like I always enjoy it.

And what I was thinking of for the past months. Well, Phil. Mostly I was thinking whether all those "less than three" actually mean something. Or is it alright for boys in twenty first century to exchange them without thought.

Is it, Phil?

**

When Phil arrives at the train station to meet Dan for the first time, he's not really nervous. He's seen a fair share of fans in his life, and although Dan is not just any fan, he still feels confident enough not to have his stomach in knots. The train's supposed to come in five minutes or so, and Phil's happy he didn't miss his last bus. It takes two to get here from his place, and their time schedules don't exactly match.

He is waiting patiently, and thinks of what to say at those unmerciful first moments. He supposes Dan would be extremely shy and doesn't exactly know how to help him with that one hundred percent, but he does have some ideas. He should talk a lot. He should make Dan feel safe and comfortable. He has a whole day planned out, shops, food, a walk around town. And back at home he has enough movies for couple hundreds of weekends, to be honest.

He'll start with something simple, hi, it's amazing to see you, hey, listen, let's do this and that. Non-stop conversation should do the trick. It'll be alright.

Dan walks out of the train. He is predictably dressed in black, he has a bag, he is tanner than he looked on screen. 

He is turning his head now, smiling a bit, his eyes searching.

Phil didn't know it was physically possible to jump from cautious calmness to straight-on heart attack in one second flat. At least that's what it feels like in his chest: apocalypse. He can't breathe, he can't see properly.

Fucking un-be-lie-va-ble.

"Phil?" he hears the familiar voice, only this time, there are no Skype noises and no pixels separating them. "Are you alright?"

He manages to start breathing again and nods, not saying anything. Making a complete fool of himself, most likely.

Dan's tall, taller than Phil, he's a freaking giant. But that's not the point.

Dan is really strange. He talks to himself - a lot, and that's not just mumbling, straight out talking out loud is going on quite often when he's by himself. He genuinely dislikes common pleasantry exchanges between people, which Phil himself find normal and nice. He loves the word "cunt" much more than he should. He gets scared easily and wakes up at night regularly. Also he truly and honestly thinks that he's not handsome at all. "Somewhat attractive, maybe, from some angles - yeah, I don't know", but that's the extent of it.

But this, Phil learns later.

For now, he understands one thing, and that's about his own perception only. Dan on pictures was pretty, Dan on Skype was pretty as hell, but Dan in real life - is just something Phil can't handle.

**

You were so weird, when we first met, Dan would say much, much later.

How weird, Phil would reply, cringing a little and hoping it doesn't show.

You just didn't act like yourself, Dan would try to explain. And it made no sense to me. It's like you were high or something.

Was that a cool way of being high, Phil would ask then hesitantly.

Dan would just sigh.

**

"I don't want to be shallow, I don't want to be shallow", Phil thinks quickly, trying not to stare at the way Dan adjusts his shoulder strap, the way he jogs down the stairs, the way he bends to tie his shoelaces, for God's sake. 

It's not even exactly sexual, what Phil's got going on his mind right now, it's just astonishment. Amazement. Bewilderment?

Although, well, that other thing, too. 

Dan's quick fingers on the black laces are, his eyelashes are, his, his, oh God.

"So", says Dan, "I'm kinda dying of hunger, can we get something to eat?"

"Sure", he says. Was that his first word to Dan? Did he manage to say hi at least, when Dan hugged him? Yes, he definitely did. Otherwise Dan wouldn't just go follow a creepy crazy person wherever he leads him to, right?

Dan is looking at him expectantly, and Phil tries to pull himself together.

"I was thinking we could go to this one place", and he soldiers on and manages to make conversation go relatively smoothly from there. Dan seems unfazed and just truly happy to be where he is. He's all fringe and teeth smiles and spring and unicorns, maybe, Phil's not sure he can analyze things quite properly at the moment.

Truth is, Dan hates new people and that actually is not normal behavior for him, not at all. Dan is sociophobic as fuck and prefers the screen of his phone to ninety nine point nine percent of all the people around him.

But this, Phil learns later.

For now, he just can't understand how their dynamic has shifted so much, gone are the confident AmazingPhil and adorable but closed-off danisnotonfire, here's just them, Dan and Phil, and they're two real-world guys, walking on the pavement together, and why does it make him so happy and so nervous at the same time?

**

They get to the point where Phil has to physically stop himself from touching Dan yet another time. He can't help himself. At first he was hesitant to even talk properly, and then - somehow he turned into an eight-year-old (and, wow, he was expecting some age difference problems. Well. He was right about that one). 

He can't stop punching Dan's arm playfully, or tugging his sleeve, or, God help him, yes, he even bit him once, he thinks. He was pretending to be a cheetah. It was relevant somehow, at the moment.

He's out of it, okay.

Dan takes it all like a pro, though. He should be weirded out by now, but he's just laughing along, although he's definitely not punching Phil back or anything. So Phil should stop pushing his luck. He really should. And he will.

Dan can be bitchy. He can be terrible, in fact. He has mood swings like no woman going through a change would believe. He can literally lie on the floor for hours and not get up because "it isn't worth it, just leave me". He will, eventually, get up, and he will, eventually, drink the already-gone-cold cocoa and he will, eventually, allow to make him feel better. And it will work.

But this, Phil learns later.

For now, he just tries to consume all the happiness radiating from a person he sees for the first time in his life yet whom he oddly feels like a part of his life already. Like a lost limb found and reattached again. Shouldn't say this out loud, Phil, control your cheesiness award winning metaphors, please.

But Dan does flirt with him. He thinks. Although he can't tell for sure. On Skype it was so obvious, but then again, turns out Dan is so, so beautiful. How can one be so beautiful and not be an actor or singer or something?

Phil's mind is running in circles and sometimes crashes into walls as well - that's what it feels like.

In the evening, when they get tired of walking, they finally get to the Ferris wheel. Why did he think it was a good idea? Phil is not too fond of heights, but he'll manage. They get inside the cabin and shut the little door which definitely wouldn't save them in case anything happens to the wheel, in a likely situation of, say, a Godzilla appearing and deciding to practice his hula moves with it or something. Phil's brain just isn't functioning properly today, is it. The cabin starts moving upwards.

"I can't believe...", says Dan, and then shakes his head slightly, and Phil forgets about all the reptiles in the world, eyes immediately glued to Dan's face. It got dark, but they can still see each other. Dan's not smiling anymore, and for a second Phil worries if he's said something wrong right before they got on. But Dan's looking at him too seriously now, and Phil can't find words to ask.

**

I was acting weird when we first met, too, you know, Dan will say much, much later.

Now that you say it, Phil would answer after some thinking, I think you're right.

I was dying on that train, Dan would say honestly, and Phil would lean in closer, because Dan rarely shows this kind of vulnerability, and Phil kind of secretly treasures those moments. I was dying, thinking I was so not what you expect me to be. Knowing it. I was ready to walk out, look at you for one second and then jump on the train back, without even saying anything to you.

That would indeed be weird, Phil would reply, puzzled.

Dan would shrug.

So, what happened, Phil would ask after a pause.

Dan would shrug again, but he would be smiling.

**

The Ferris wheel has rotated to the maximum height. 

"Phil", says Dan, and he's standing up from his seat across Phil's, and wow, that was not a good idea, the whole cabin is shaking violently now. But Dan moves to sit next to him and Phil scoots quickly, never mind the height and the probability of an unpleasant death from pavement. Dan's knee is so hot pressed against his.

"I think the balance of this cabin is not..." and then Dan kisses him, and, oh. 

Oh.

Dan likes kissing a lot, he loves anything involving his mouth, really; he likes giving hickeys, likes, well, other stuff even more, a lot more, in fact, than he probably should. And he enjoys just lying beside one another (which he stops calling cuddling when he turns twenty, which definitely does not change the nature of things anyway) no less, his anti-social habits flying out of the window when they're in bed together. 

But all this, Phil learns later.

Some of it, though, he learns that night.

Fin.


End file.
